We are the biggest fans of Dutch casual style – flip flops and shorts to the office, jeans in three star restaurants and bikinis in the park – but there are some fashion trends we really have seen enough of.

Cut-offs with black tights

Ladies please. You need fabulous legs to wear teeny tiny cut-offs, and thick black winter tights don’t make them look thinner or better. Did Daisy Duke wear anything under her cut-offs? That should tell you enough.

Topknots and beards

Okay guys, you look arty, you really do… but we’re getting fed up of seeing all you hipsters with your flowing locks tied up on top of your heads and your straggly beards.  We know shaving is a bore, but unless you can grow it properly, facial hair has to go.

White jeans tucked into brown boots

Skin-tight spotless white jeans smoothed into designer boots are de rigeur for a certain type of lady from Amsterdam Zuid, ‘t Gooi or Wassenaar. We think they want to look as if they’ve just come back from riding. But we know they haven’t because that frosted hair is never out of place.

Little girl pink

You can spot little Dutch girls anywhere in the world because of all that pink. It’s not pale pink, but a bright scary pink. Pink leggings, pink rucksacks with cutsey motifs, pink padded jackets with frilly bits, pink sweatshirts with cutesy motifs, and pink things in their hair. It’s worse than all that orange.

Spiky red hair

Beloved by women of a certain age, short red spiky locks are often coupled with  layers – lots and lots of layers. Found mainly in urban settings, women with red spiky hair tend to work for the council or in the care industry… three days a week and never on Fridays.

Shaved head scooter boys

The greased curls of a few years ago have made way for shaved heads up to the  ears, leaving a centimeter of growth on top – sort of like a monk’s tonsure in reverse. Gentlemen, all that stubble is not going to attract girls and it makes you look pretty scary as well. Or perhaps that is the idea.

Ponytail clones

Someone out there is cloning Dutch girls with long straight  blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail. They can be easily spotted in the nicer parts of town in skinny jeans and carrying matching hockey sticks. We often get a terrible urge to whip out the scissors when we see those pony tails swinging down the street. Get a fringe instead.

Dead dog collars

The universal wardrobe of every species of Dutch native, from the spiky redheads to little girls in pink and the shaved head scooter boys – those hideous fur collars on a parka. Every year the fur gets fluffier… but people, you are wearing a dead dog that was probably skinned alive around your neck.